My Experience of Grace's Cancer

Thu14thDec 2017

I don't talk about her cancer because I want to. I do it because it seems necessary. Maybe it will help someone, or put me in a better place. I am SO about being open. Want to know when you have an issue? You don't talk about it. And that not wanting to talk about it is allowing toxins to stay inside of you, and eventually cause dis-ease in one form or another. I know this. So I talk about her cancer. And in fact, the more I talk about it, the better I am around it. Talking does that. So change how you operate - talk through stuff, even if only to yourself. That counts. I do some of my best work alone.

Meanwhile, we have this painting. After Grace died (she's my daughter, and she died of cancer....see how long it took for me to say that here? This is what I'm talking about) I pretty much slept for three or four years. During that period I did a lot of painting to figure things out. This was one of those paintings. Considering it's about her cancer, I like it a lot. There's a lot of symbolism in it, naturally. Abstracts CAN mean nothing,...but only when you don't ask. Like the purple curtain - that's death. The creepy blue things? That's the cancer. It was in her head and spine and would send out tentacles and spread (wow..I'm getting a headache discussing it). I think those red circley things are her body trying to fight it...the boot...I want to say it's her desire to kick the ass of the cancer. Not sure. The thing is, I felt better after painting it. The toxins of the pain of the memory left me and went to the canvas. And it's in my closet with my other toxic paintings of anger, my dad's cancer and stuff like that. I suppose I should burn them..but that's not resonating right now.

Find a way to express your toxins gang. Holding stuff in will never serve you.